If Shirts Could Talk
by Jasper-Not-Jiper
Summary: In SON, while Percy is talking to his shirt, it's noted "The T-shirt didn't answer, thankfully." But what if it had? Or is Percy just losing it?


**A/N: WASSUP, MY PEEPS! Ahem, sorry, I just wanted to say that. So, I'm new to this website. But please don't let that stop you from being completely honest in** **your** **reviews. And uh, remember where this was? Chapter XVI, (I'm no good at Roman numerals) page 187. I don't remember the paragraph, but it's somewhat early, and only on that page. Okay, I'll stop with this annoyingly long author's note and get on with the story!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the first part of the story (save for the little bit I added in) or PJO HOO, but if anyone wants to get it for my birthday...**

Percy folded his tattered orange T-shirt and left it on his bunk.

"I'll be back," He said. He felt pretty stupid talking to a T-shirt, and making a _Terminator_ reference to it no less, but he was really thinking of Annabeth and his old life. "I'm not leaving for good. But I have to help these guys. They took me in. They deserve to survive."

To Percy's complete and utter surprise, the T-shirt answered.

"Oh, seriously? That's how it's gonna go? You're just gonna leave me here with total strangers while you go and...and frolic with them? I mean seriously, I doubt your even gonna come back. Your just lying to me."

Percy's jaw was dropped so low he resembled a grouper. "You...y-you can talk!"

Oh don't you change the subject, honey!" The shirt chided him. "We're talking about OUR relationship, and you have the nerve to go all 'OMG' on me? Mmm hmm, I don't think so."

Apparently he had gotten an extra sassy shirt. "Uh...I need to leave now, so-"

The shirt cut him off. "Oh Hades no! I'm not done with you yet!"

"Your-your not?"

No! I mean, you expect me NOT to verbally smack you for wearing another shirt RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?"

"Uh...I..." Percy looked down at his clean, perfectly intact purple T-shirt. "What?"

The orange shirt sounded like it was crying now. "I thought...that you were different, Percy. I-I thought that you loved me!" Sobbing noises resonated from the torn piece of fabric. He picked it up and tried to comfort it. "There there, little...shirt." But the sobbing noises continued.

"I figured you would move onto a cleaner shirt! After all, I'm so ripped and tattered and burnt and messy and-" It broke into sobs again.

"Shh, shh. Don't worry. I have just the thing that will make you feel better." And with that he took off his SPQR shirt and slipped the ripped CHB one on.

"There. Is that better?" He consoled.

"I don't know. Maybe I would feel a little better if...well..."

"What?" Percy said desperately. "What is it?"

"Well..."

-:-

2 1/2 hours of hanging out and disturbing the New Rome citizens later:

-:-

"Oh!" Hazel called out to Percy as he neared her. "Thank the gods you're here! We were worried sick when you didn't come! We thought-" She faltered when she looked at him. "Uh, Percy? Why are you wearing your old T-shirt? Didn't you get a new one?"

He gave her a maniacal grin. "I did. But this shirt is special. It talks! See?" He held part of it up to Hazel's face so she could hear. "It talks!"

"I don't hear anything," She said slowly walking away from him. "And did you hit your head or something? Because last time I checked, shirts couldn't talk..."

He gave her a sad face that made her almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

He started petting his shirt possessively. "Don't worry, Sasha. She's just jealous of our relationship."

There was a pause, and Hazel assumed he was listening to his 'friend'. She didn't know what it said, but she wasn't sure it was completely appropriate, because Percy's response was, "Oh Sasha! Right now?" After enough giggling from Percy for it to get awkward, Percy quickly said, "Later." With a small grin. Whatever he had said, it must've had to wait until later, whenever 'later' would be.

Frank must have sensed Hazel's disturbance, because he said, "Relax," breaking the silence. "He's Percy. We all knew he would crack someday."

Hazel agreed as they started their quest, trying to ignore Percy having a love affair with his T-shirt.

It was hard.

 _So very hard._

 **A/N: So, whatcha think? Love it? Hate it? Meh? Want another chapter? Please tell me in a review!**

 **Peace out,**

 **Jasper-Not-Jiper**

 **A.k.a.**

 **Scr**


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